Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Midterm Hell

So, after yesterday's Torts midterm, I felt a bit off-beat. I listened in to other classmates discussing their possible hit or misses (which I hate doing, btw), and inwardly cheered for the common answers we all shared hoping that that meant we were all correct. I grabbed dinner with my LSB (law school bestie) and then we headed back to school to study for the Civil Procedure midterm less than 24 hours later.

Lemme just say that I pretty much thought I was making the CivPro exam my B!%#& by the end of the night (around 1:30 AM is when we left school). I drove the 45 minutes through a nasty night rain, listening to Freer CivPro audio on Trials and Appeals. RIGHT before bed, I broke out a Q&A workbook to review quickly.....and frowned at some stuff that wasn't familiar.

I had a horrible night's rest.

Woke up, showered, and left for school around 7:30. The exam began at 9:00. Like I usually takes me about 45 minutes to get there.

Of course, though, this is MY life and I get stuck in traffic that moved at 5 mph the ENTIRETY of the beltway commute....despite the fact that I have YET to run into that kind of traffic all year! I text classmates furiously, take a detour......only to be stopped by EVERY. SINGLE. RED. LIGHT.

I arrived in the exam at 9:20. With time to setup my computer, read over the exam while the software loaded, I had a whopping 30 minutes to complete an 8 page fact pattern with 7 essay questions.

Yep. 7 essay questions when I have difficulty writing law school exam essays.

And the best part? The fact pattern centered around a plaintiff with MY first name who had difficulty taking exams and wanted to sue the exam administrator!!

At the close of the exam, I obediently closed my work and submitted it....depressed that I didn't even get to complete it....only to find that some of my classmates were STILL working after having been told to stop. And I was PISSED.

I went home.

And that, dear reader, is what made me return to blogging.


And just like that....I'm back to blogging.

I think I had forgotten how therapeutic it could be....and these days, it's quite probable that I need therapy.

Of course, my re-introduction into writing on the wonderful world wide web as a First-Year Law Student comes timely at the close of second semester midterms. My mind is scattered, my eyes are a ghost of the vibrant energy they were a week ago during Spring Break, and my body screams for uninterrupted rest.

Unfortunately, there will be none of that any time soon. And that's okay.....oddly.

See....I feel deep in my being that I have what it takes to be a lawyer for nonprofit orgs and small businesses. I may even have a future working for the federal government in a general counsel's office. My experience and my intuition tells me that I'm cut out for "thinking like a lawyer."

However, I don't feel cut out for Law School. This crap is for the birds. The continued hazing of sleepless nights, irrational deadlines, and unsympathetic professors who prefer to point out your flaws than to encourage your's just an unnecessary test of my wills. It's the Ugly Means to the Incredible End.

I have a kid and a fiance' to be there for; a household to contribute to; a nonprofit organization to lead; and am planning a wedding/honeymoon. I am about 8 years older than my youngest classmate and significantly younger than my oldest. I have obtained two degrees already and worked for most of my 9 year-old's life.

Bottom line? I've never been so stressed and humbled and scared of failure before in my entire life. And I'm only just beginning.

The bright side of everything is the incredible feeling that....if I can make it through....I may very well reach my goal. I may be bruised and beat up on the other side....but at least I will have accomplished this and could put the horrible nightmares behind me. I've even scored an amazing first year internship this summer, working for a great urban community nonprofit law center.

Now.....midterms are done. I have to read for tomorrow's class.....and Friday's.....and work on that paper that's due Monday. But I promised the Boy that Friday night is just me and him, so hustle-hustle until our mom-son date.